Thursday, January 8, 2009

Why am I single, you ask?

Well, that's pretty simple. I have bad taste in men.

You would think by now, that I have learned to choose a well rounded individual.. well, I haven't.

Being young I only wanted to party. I had not one speck of responsibility. I worked.. and worked my butt off. At 16, I was committed to a handsome man. The dream of a man loving me and wanting me all to himself, had come true. I moved in with him right after high school. College you ask? well, I could take a year off. That year became 12. After notorious affairs he had, many trips to jail, many physical fights, and job loss after job loss (mine.. not his. Jobs were lost do to his jail terms), 2 children later... I had the perfect end to our hideous romance. He was going to prison!! In he went and Out his property went. Ahhh.. I could finally breath and grow.

Why did I stay as long as I did? Well, that in itself is a whole other story. Have you ever felt trapped? Have you ever felt like you couldn't go anywhere because you were afraid of new things, new life experiences? And to top that off.. No one could love me like he could. That was a laugh. That was not love at all. That was abuse! Something I should have known. (Will explain another time... hey, I want you to come back and read. lol)

Back to this single issue......
After my kids father went into prison, I started working on me. For the first time in my life... I had to do me. I had responsibilities.. my children depended on me. I was not to be a good mother if I didn't know who I was... other than a mother. I made many changes mentally and physically. I stopped smoking, Meditated more, Found my love of writing again, and to top that off... I was losing weight again!!!! I was happy. My children knew I was happy.. they hadn't really seen me like that before. My priorities had changed, gained positive friends and lost the negative, soul sucking friends. I had learned to open my heart again.

And So I did..
I met a man online. We would write each other, then the calls started.... Oh my, was he intelligent or what?! He had me at E=mc2. (not literally) We could talk about anything for hours! I wouldn't meet him unless I had a friend with me (I'm old school like that). When I did meet him... I was quite amazed by his character, physique, and attitude.. his mind. This was unlike any man I had been with. We had our ups and downs. We would see each other then not see each other. 15 months later... I get pregnant with my #3.

So here I am.. knocked up with a precious little one.. feeling movement and loving it. Ahhh.. is the man, you ask? Heck no!!! He's like all other men out there and blames the whole thing on the woman. It wasn't in my plan to have a baby 9 years after my last and especially since I will be starting my career soon.. very soon. But you know what? I'm dealing with it.... alone. ANd I will make it and succeed!

So there you have it. A small part of my intimate life.
More to come

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